coping with loss.

its incredible how the world keeps going when yours seems to stop so abruptly. one phone call. 3 words. and everything changes. i'm trying to remain grounded, but my mind wanders. i don't know what to feel. i don't think any of it has sunk in. but there's something missing. a part of me is gone. i am numb from head to toe and i wonder if that's better than feeling the deep pain that is hiding underneath. pain, guilt, remorse, loneliness, aimlessness...all under the calm blanket of numbness. it won't last long, i'm sure. all i can say, all i can feel, is a great loss. i am more lonely than i have been in a while. but when you lose someone, nothing can make that better. only time.

i love you abuelo. and you will forever be in my heart.