coping with loss.

its incredible how the world keeps going when yours seems to stop so abruptly. one phone call. 3 words. and everything changes. i'm trying to remain grounded, but my mind wanders. i don't know what to feel. i don't think any of it has sunk in. but there's something missing. a part of me is gone. i am numb from head to toe and i wonder if that's better than feeling the deep pain that is hiding underneath. pain, guilt, remorse, loneliness, aimlessness...all under the calm blanket of numbness. it won't last long, i'm sure. all i can say, all i can feel, is a great loss. i am more lonely than i have been in a while. but when you lose someone, nothing can make that better. only time.

i love you abuelo. and you will forever be in my heart.

hopeful

well, i can't help but feel it.
i would bet that its going to backfire on me.
but i really really don't want it to.

must read books (a list)

Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green by Joshua Braff
The Wings of the Dove by Henry James
the "Sookie Stackhouse" books by Charlaine Harris

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay
Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell
Generation S.L.U.T.: A Brutal Feel-up Session with Today's Sex-Crazed Adolescent Populace by Marty Beckerman
Impulse by Ellen Hopkins
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover if Her life Makes Her Ass Look Big or Why Pie Is Not the Answer by Jen Lancaster

that's it for now.

a joke.

why must cleaning always be a chore?

ha.

get it?

thank you

for always ruining low flying planes for me.

that's the last thing i will let you rob from me.

sometimes

you read a book.
a good book that takes you totally by surprise.
never thought it would be that good.

downside? it made me realize i'm incredibly uncool.

never ever have i ever...

...oh wait.


yes i have.